


You love me, Y/N?

by the_og_straya



Series: Let's Be Real [6]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: (sorry again), But here it is, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, and lots of repetitive words, i promised you this, im late, lots of feelings, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 05:56:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21131777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_og_straya/pseuds/the_og_straya
Summary: Sucky title but feels are sucky too, so... here’s what I’m too chicken to say out loud. Or text, that’s an option too, or would be if, again, I wasn’t too chicken.





	You love me, Y/N?

You know I love you.

I haven’t made a point to hide it. I love you in whatever capacity you need me to. But honey, I need to know you love me too. Things are happening, changing, and right now more than ever, I feel alone.

It’s not your fault, I swear. (Plus, you know why I’m so emotional right now.) I just need to know.

And I’m so glad you’re getting help. I really really am. Couldn’t be happier. But there’s a little selfish piece of me saying “but will she still love you?”

Look... I know you’re the same person. But you won’t need me anymore. And I know that’s a shitty way to look at friendship. But I’m used to being pushed away, swept aside, lost in conversation. Even with... her. You know who I mean. Yeah, things are better, but we’re still finding our feet. (Plus, we haven’t spoken in person since that night.)

I’m used to being needed by you. And now it’s two in the morning and I’m feeling insecure and I’m forcing myself to finish and publish this instead of back down like the coward I am. (Wow, I get really negative toward myself when I’m tired, huh?)

Basically... what changes? Does anything? I assume something will since certain things will change, there’s no way they can’t, but will it change us? If it does, will we be stronger for it? Or weaker?

And now with her. Same her. You know who I mean. We’re doing better and I couldn’t be happier.

But what about us? I don’t want things to change, sweetheart. Can’t bear it if they do. I want them to stay the same. Need them to, if only for my own selfish gain.

We haven’t spoken much in the past couple of days. And I understand things happen... but I miss you. I miss talking until now (2am), trying to decipher your drunk-tired texts and wanting to laugh hard enough I’ll wake up my whole family.

I miss us. What happened? Has anything? Am I just completely crazy?

A couple night ago — when she and I first spoke again — it was great. I had so much fun. And I thought you did, too. You said you did.

You’ve lied to me before. I’m not trying to make you feel bad; I’m simply stating facts. I don’t know what to do at this point. And I’m too goddamn scared. I don’t know what to do.

That’s his flaw, you know; too loyal. Too caring. Too open and raw and honest and real. And I know he doesn’t die; he goes back and he gets the girl. He got the happily ever after. But what a way to get there, and right now I feel right smack in the middle, fighting without knowing why. I’m in a battle and I need you to help me. Only the enemy this time is myself. And no matter how much I want to, I can’t punch my way out of this one. I can’t punch myself until I see reason.

I don’t know. I don’t know what to do or what to think or even if I should post this. I’m going to because I’m a fool, but I don’t know if it’ll help at all.

It probably won’t. Really I’m just venting my feelings right now. I’m upset, love. I’m upset and I don’t know what to do because now I’m scared I’m losing you. And I’m not willing to do that.

Anyways... I guess tell me if there’s something you don’t understand. As I said before, it’s 2am (almost 3.... it’s 2:45) and I’m so tired but I’m so worried. I couldn’t sleep until I got this out.

Please, honey. Please tell me I’m crazy. Please tell me I’ve got it all wrong. I need for that to be the case.

I love you. I know you love me. Please don’t let me forget.


End file.
